An Alpha Woman does not need an Alpha Man to be happy. In fact, whilst together they may function wonderfully as a power couple in achieving great wealth and professional success, their emotional connection is poor. The Alpha Woman and Alpha Man clash when it comes to debating over decisions on important issues. Neither person can back down, concede to a compromise, or apologise easily to the other when a mistake is made, or a wrong doing occurs.

So whilst the Alpha Man is not ideally suited to the Alpha Woman, neither is the Beta Male who will more than likely drive her crazy, and frankly, aggravate her. In the Beta Male, she may find it difficult to respect his lack of ambition and drive that she has, and his tendencies to avoid risk and confrontation at any cost; and so over time, the relationship deteriorates into one that adversely impacts on the self-confidence and integrity of the Beta Male who may come to feel second-rate in her eyes. This position makes him vulnerable to being undermined and taken advantage of by her.

In essence, an Alpha Female is most compatible with a man who contains a mixture of alpha and beta characteristics. The Alpha/Beta Male is strong, confident, and ambitious, but doesn’t need to dominate or take over to the extent that another person is dismissed. He considers the needs of others, and pursues an overall balanced lifestyle between his professional and personal priorities. In the interpersonal domain, romance is high on his list of values, and he will expend time into a thoughtful occasion or unique gift for her, just to let her know how special she is to him.

So as a man, if you ever find yourself drawn to a woman of the Alpha type, or you have already entered into a relationship with one, you may wonder how you can succeed in sustaining the relationship. Here, you need to equip yourself with an understanding of behaviours and responses that contain both alpha and beta traits, in order to keep the dynamic on solid ground.

The key message is that if you conduct yourself in a manner that strikes a balance between humility, self-respect and self-confidence, your relationship with an Alpha Woman can flourish. This may sound easier said than done, and you are probably wondering how this advice translates into practical reality?

Here are just a few of the most crucial guidelines for men to bear in mind when relating to an Alpha Woman:

He communicates in an informed and respectful manner at all times

When a man disagrees with an Alpha Woman, or holds a contrary view of how she is behaving, he will let it be known in a manner that allows her to accept the criticism as an observation, and not as a command. He will be careful to ensure he never comes across as undermining her or putting her down. If she should choose to maintain her position or perspective in spite of his perspective, he does not make her feel that she will be letting herself down, or express anger/resentment that she has disrespected his thoughts and advice.

In the event that her final choices, which may contradict his advice, lead to a positive outcome, he will be able to celebrate in her success with genuine pride. However, if her contrary choices were to backfire on her, he would never say “I told you so”. He would support her to find another solution to rectify the problem.

If a disagreement is based on knowledge of an issue, the man will not speak up unless he is adequately informed, has undertaken ample research, or has had relevant experience on the matter. He needs to be able to draw on this knowledge, research or experience to validate his position.

The Alpha Woman needs to be challenged and supported

An Alpha Woman can accept, and even welcome constructive criticism or advice from her male counterpart if she respects him, and if he communicates with her in a respectful manner as outlined in the previous point. He never shies away from suggesting that she re-evaluate her opinions and decisions, if he believes she is not following through on the best options for herself. She trusts him to have her best intentions at heart.

In any scenario where the she is the leader, her male counterpart will be the one who supports her the most. He will not be her lackey or ‘yes man’. He may at times play the role of an assistant who works to promote her towards her goals. This is because he is strong and independent himself, with a high level self-confidence. He is not offended to be working for her because in kind, she will reciprocate these efforts for him when the situation is reversed, and he is in a leadership position.

He can apologise

When the man is wrong, he will be able to admit this without being defensive. He will then offer an apology. He is confident enough to recognise that everyone makes mistakes, and that he and she both make mistakes equally. The Alpha Woman should not in kind belittle her man when he is wrong, and she should demonstrate the ability to apologise herself, with confidence that her mistakes do not reflect on her intellect or strength of character.   

He listens carefully

The Alpha Woman relies on a man who can offer her the best advice to hand, and so she needs to be prepared to wait for the appropriate moment to share with him the problem; ie, when he is able to devote his undivided attention to her.

In my experience with couples who are suffering a breakdown in communication, I often observe men to say that the woman complains he doesn’t listen. The classic example occurs when the man seems to be oblivious to something she claims she has previously mentioned or talked to him about. A common reason this happens is that men do not always stipulate if they are unable to engage in the discussion at that point in time. This might occur due to feeling tired, or being preoccupied with another subject at that instant. In other words, the man is not truly present in the moment with her, but yet is showing her all the behavioural signs that he is listening.  

A man who is with an Alpha Woman should inform her if he needs to postpone having a discussion that is important to her, if he is unable to listen adequately at that moment. When the time comes to have the discussion, he must then take care to absorb all the details, and then dispense his thoughts and responses accordingly.

He accepts her separate plans and interests without suspicion

An Alpha Woman needs her space from time to time. Her man needs to respect her need for space without questioning her on everything she does. He is never threatened by her working closely with male colleagues, nor her time spent with both male and female friends, because at the end of the day, he knows who she loves and who she will be coming home to. Concurrently, he carries out his own independent interests, and looks forward to when he and she will spend quality time together.   

In conclusion

The most successful relationship that a man can have with an Alpha Woman, is when his thoughts and actions reflect elements of humility, self-respect and self-confidence. He will always support her to achieve her goals, but will never be taken advantage by her. He can challenge her without undermining her. He will respect her decisions if they are in disagreement with his advice, and he will not make her feel incompetent if her decisions backfire. He will acknowledge when he is wrong, but will be assertive when he has an important point to make. He is not threatened by time she spends away from him, and isn’t suspicious of her whereabouts without just cause.

If a man is able to consistently exercise a healthy combination of humility, self-respect and self-confidence, then his behaviours in the longer-term are likely to re-shape some of those strong and entrenched ‘stubborn’ aspects of her alpha personality into one that reciprocates respect and genuine consideration for him. If she respects him, then she will be encouraged to practice what he is outwardly preaching in his actions.

The Alpha Woman and her man can therefore inevitably come to learn how to support one another to be the best they ultimately can be.

For further information on how a man can work to keep a relationship with his partner thriving, click here to read my article which outlines some key points you can follow to make yourself indispensable to her.

I would love to hear your comments or answer any questions you might have about this post.

Yours sincerely,   

Dr. Carissa Coulston, Clinical Psychologist

BSc(Hons), MPsychol(Clinical), PhD, MAPS